As I joyfully watched “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” I realized that some of our readers here at Agents of G.U.A.R.D…
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Was that intentional? Like, this whole time we were trying to do a cute, little play off of “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” with “G.U.A.R.D.?” Are we really so obsessed with acronyms and initials that we would go so far as to try and ride the coattails of the biggest dramatic TV opening hit since 2009?
In a word: Yes.
In more words: But they were going to be titled “S.H.I.E.L.D.” at first and we were always planning to call ourselves “Agents of GUARD” and then suddenly great minds think alike and they added “Agents of” to their title. That is our story and we’re sticking to it, by Odin!
Moving on.
In seeing all those capital letters and periods between each letter, I wondered how many people knew “S.H.I.E.L.D.” was an acronym, not to be confused with an initialism. It stands for “Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.”
G.U.A.R.D., as we all know, stands for “Geeks Usually Alienate Regular Demographics.”
Or was it “Get Ur Acronyms Right, Dude”? Eh. The meaning always changes in my demented brain.
Another example of an acronym is one used by James Bond’s enemies in the form of the evil organization SP.E.C.T.R.E., which stands for “Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion.” I always thought it was a little bit of a cheat to use the first two or three letters of a word like SPecial in an acronym, but the rules seem pretty lax.
But did you know an initialism is just using the first letters of a series of words? Like the B.P.R.D. (“Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense”).
The “G.I.” in G.I. Joe stands for “General Issue.” Because soldiers back in the 40’s always received “General Issue” gear, which meant the gear and supplies every soldier receives. Eventually, your basic soldier was just referred to as “G.I.”
Also, the “J” in “Michael J. Fox” is fake! It doesn’t stand for anything. His real middle name is Andrew. So it SHOULD be “Michael A. Fox.” Think, McFly, THINK! I know, it retroactively messed with my entire 80’s childhood experience too.
Anyways, here’s some more acronyms because I’m pretty sure you figured out what this article was about by now.
SWAG = “Stuff We All Get”
Yep, once upon a time, “Swag” wasn’t some weird hipster’d word for something vaguely insufferable. It was practically a new word for “G.I.”
LASER = “Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation”
TASER = “Thomas A. Swift’s Electric Rifle”
(Okay, I did a double-take here. Mostly because the acronym had an initial in it and felt like a paradox. What does the “A” stand for? Is he pulling a Michael J. Fox and the “A” is fake and should be a “J”? Am I thinking way too hard about this? Yes. Yes I am).
ALF = “Alien Life Form”
(Huh. I just thought it was his name).
One of my favorite acronyms, is also one of my favorite super-heroes from DC Comics:
The Wisdom of Solomon, the Strength of Hercules, the Stamina of Atlas, the Power of Zeus, the Courage of Achilles, and the Speed of Mercury. Put that all together and you have one catchy damn acronym.
And just for the heck of it…
These are from Star Wars known as “AT-AT” Walkers. “AT-AT” stands for “All Terrain Attack Transports.” Here’s the sad thing… I knew that in Junior High. Did I know anything about real school knowledge? OF COURSE NOT.
Well, GTG. Gotta STFU ASAP, before WTF else happens. MTFBWY!