If you’ve talked to me at all you know that I have a serious case of comic book hair envy.
Not just your standard “Wow, that artist draws hair really well!” But full-blown, “I hate this book, this writer, and this story but looooooook at those billowing locks! I need it; I’m going to buy it.” I can’t explain it, there is just something so visually pleasing about a colorful coif that’s caught a slight gust of wind. For me, it’s downright arousing. Now, don’t get me wrong, while today I’ll be talking about ladies this is no way means that a full head of hair on a dude has no effect on me. Quite the opposite, honestly, I mean have you seen me quiver in the presence of a truly magnificent Nightwing cover?
But since today is an X-Men day let’s get back to the point. The X-Universe features A LOT of bad-ass women and with the added bonus of mutant powers it means a larger variety of hues to pick from. Let’s get down to it and talk about my favorite gals with hair that runway models and My Little Ponies alike would be jealous of.
Earth- 616 seems to be overpopulated with gingers but I’m certainly not going to complain about that. And in mutantdom there is one redhead that rules them all, Jean Grey. Even in death she’s still considered one of the most important mutants. But let’s skip over all the broken hearts she left behind and talk about what’s really important. DAT HAIR. She’s gone through so many haircuts and managed to rock all of them. From a cute 60’s mod bob as Marvel Girl to the easy, breezy girl-next-door haircut from X-Men: Evolution Jean has been making red hair fashionable and desirable since 1963. My favorite has to be that untamable mane she whipped around in the 90’s. It was beautiful and devastating much like the Phoenix herself.
ORANGE – Siryn
While Jean’s bright auburn hair has always been various shades of fire engine red Siryn’s hair is a much more natural, Irish-y color. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less drool-worthy. She usually wears it down and grows it past her shoulders. Which is perfect because when she sucks in a huge gulp of air and lets loose those powerful pipes it makes her hair look majestic. Siryn’s hair is loud but loveable, much like Theresa herself.
YELLOW – Magik
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m on a real Illyana kick lately. She’s rapidly become my favorite X-Men (at the moment) and on a very superficial level one of the sexiest things about her is that hair. It’s like liquid gold. No matter how diabolical or emotionally damaged she is on the inside her hair is always flawless. I don’t know if you understand how soul-crushingly impossible it is to make sure your bangs behave on daily basis but let’s just say it takes hourly touch-ups, an arsenal of tools and sprays, and the ability to quickly glance at a reflective surface without anyone noticing. AND YET MAGIK PULLS IT OFF (mostly due to her being drawn with perfect hair but let me have this, okay?) Hiding just under that sweet, Barbie haircut is a Russian girl who ruled as a bastion of hell for 20 years. I think I’m in love.
GREEN – Lorna & Abigail
This one was tough because I love both Polaris and Abigail Brand (and their green locks) for very different reasons. Polaris’ tresses are wild and usually full of voluminous chaos while Abigail’s is typically straight and pulled back in a sassy but efficient ponytail. Hmm, it’s almost like the hair matches the personality… They are total opposites and yet I am wholly obsessed with both! I still want to dye chunks of my hair green for the sheer mermaid-tivity of it all.
BLUE – Surge
Noriko got on my nerves A LOT at first, everything about her reeked of a teenager who was trying way too hard and sadly that includes her hair. But I’ll let you in on my dirty little secret, I love her hair anyway! My complexion would look sickly and ghoulish if I tried dying my hair this electric blue color which of course means it will always be this unfulfilled dream of mine. Surge’s hair is playful and a not-so-subtle throwback to her eclectic Japanese roots. I’m so jealous of her hair, I want it, I need it.
INDIGO PINK – Pixie
I’m not even going to attempt “Indigo” because that shit is ridiculous so instead I will replace it with pink! And that leads me to my favorite little Welsh nugget of joy, Pixie. I can’t remember if her hair PINK-mentation (see what I did there) was a byproduct of her mutation but even if it wasn’t it would seem only natural that someone this sweet and adorable could have pink hair. She’s bubblegum personified, exactly what a little sister should be.
VIOLET – Psylocke
No one is surprised by this one. If worshipping the ground Betsy Braddock walks on was a religion I would be a high priestess. So technically her hair isn’t naturally purple (mutation or not), she dyes it but I do not care in the slightest. Despite the weird back and forth between Japanese and British her hair color remains the same, violet. If I didn’t already know what a pain the upkeep for purple hair was I would still totally dye my hair exactly like hers. –dreamy sigh-
BRUNETTE – Monet
Alright so Monet is physically flawless. You’d think that was her goddamn mutation. She looks like what chocolate taste like. Now personality wise, she’s not as smooth and velvety but I still love her. Her hair is full of fiery passion for life and dear god look at her face, I am speechless. How is anyone that pretty? Focus, Denise, the hair. It flows like the ocean and I bet smells like cinnamon buns.
WHITE – Storm
Apparently if you’re a weather goddess then along with controlling wind and precipitation you can rock absolutely any hairstyle imaginable. Long beachy waves? Easy. Short, straight layers? Done. Badass, totally unnecessary Mohawk? HELL YES. Storm is one regal woman and doesn’t f*ck around when it comes to looking like the most eye-catching woman in the Danger Room. Sure, it probably takes a continent’s worth of product for each style but beauty is sacrifice.