For six years Agent Denise has been working undercover on the front lines at Comics Unlimited. It is in this store where she reads, sells, organizes, and acts out comic books new and old. You can track her capricious thought process and love/hate affinity for shitty television on Twitter: @ironpissed or on Tumblr:

This week I’m going to talk about the new movie releases like Justin usually does but without the knowledge or finesse that he has!

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What’s it about? The devastating horror of a nuclear apocalypse is now reality and nine desperate strangers find themselves clinging to life in a farmhouse cellar, while radioactive fallout descends on the darkened world above. These would-be survivors face the aftermath.

My thoughts.  This is not my kind of movie. I have nothing Aftermath but I’m a sucker for flicks that make me feel something.  Feel something that isn’t necessarily fear or anxiety, that is.  I do appreciate the use of radiation to cause the zombie-like hordes, that’s something that seems a lot more likely than people becoming undead.  The trailer looked good, lots of gray-ish yellow tones that set the grim mood of the film and dare I forget to mention Ed Furlong who always has that edge of crazy right behind his eyes.  I’m sure plenty of dude-bros will use this movie to get even with their girlfriends for making them see The Fault in Our Stars a month ago.

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Alive Inside  LIMITED

What’s it about? ALIVE INSIDE is a joyous cinematic exploration of music’s capacity to reawaken our souls and uncover the deepest parts of our humanity. Filmmaker Michael Rossato-Bennett chronicles the astonishing experiences of individuals around the country who have been revitalized through the simple experience of listening to music. His camera reveals the uniquely human connection we find in music and how its healing power can triumph where prescription medication falls short.

My Thoughts. Well, here’s that movie that going to make me feel something. I was not only raised by my grandparents but have lived with them for most of my life so this hit really close to home.  It’s a beautiful idea that while medication can help a body keep functioning music will keep your soul alive.  For the sake of my own sanity I’m sure Pat won’t let me see this in the theaters out of fear I’ll cry myself into a coma but I there is a very likely chance I will watch this on my own at home, surrounded by boxes of tissues and every blanket in the house.

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Grand Central LIMITED

What’s it about? Aimlessly drifting from one job to the next, Gary (Rahim) finds himself employed as part of a decontamination crew, undertaking hazardous work in nuclear power plants around France. When seemingly promiscuous co-worker Krole (Seydoux), the fiance of fellow crew member Toni (Ménochet), takes him for a quick fumble in the grass, Gary is instantly besotted, and the two conduct an affair. After an accident at work leaves Gary contaminated with a dangerous level of radiation, he fakes his health status so as to avoid being laid off and continue his affair.

My thoughts. There is a lot going on in this trailer: power plant secrets, love affair secrets, health concern secrets! Basically, lots and lots of lies that will probably get Gary and possibly Krole killed.  Limited release films like this make me wish I wasn’t such a poor agoraphobe. I like the idea of going out on a whim and seeing a dark foreign film but the truth is I probably won’t end up seeing this.  It looks really appealing and I totally felt the fire between the two forbidden lovers just between a few looks.  This is the kind of movie that I know would have me sitting at the edge of my seat way more than any suspenseful thriller would because I can’t shake the feeling that vengeful crimes of passion are right around the corner. Maybe one of you can go see it for me and then just give me a play-by-play.  That would be super helpful, thanks.

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What’s it about? I ORIGINS follows a molecular biologist whose study of the human eye points to evidence with far reaching implications about our scientific and spiritual beliefs.

My Thoughts. I remember when I saw this trailer for the first time I was instantly intrigued by Michael Pitt.  I’ve been a big fan of his since Hedwig and for the first time in years he’s playing a role that isn’t full-blown creepy.  While the science side of this movie doesn’t seem to hold up for me I do like the lengths the character is willing to go to find out if there is more to the universe.  Again, not exactly the kind of movie I’m rushing out of the house to see but it is definitely interesting. To be honest I would rather watch the movie from the point of view of the other scientist.  What are her thoughts as her lab partner falls in love and then slowly unravels.  I’ve seen enough movies about dudes questioning their beliefs after the woman they love dies.

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Mood Indigo LIMITED

What’s it about? A woman’s strange condition requires that she always be surrounded by fresh flowers, or she’ll die.

My thoughts. DING DING DING! Now this I want to see. Call me a dirty hipster but this movie has Denise written all over it. Funny, sweet, and just weird enough to keep you guessing.  I love that it features a new and excited romance between two people but in the exact opposite direction of the last two movies I just wrote about.  Instead of love being a secret or catalyst it’s fun and freeing.  I loved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind so I’m probably biased but this looks like it will certainly make me feel something.  The first teaser trailer is so endearing and sweet and instantly hooked me in but the synopsis made no sense. The longer US trailer sort of explains things a little more but I like how bizarre and creative it went.  I’m going to try and appeal to Pat’s inner film nerd so we can see this together because I feel like it’s a movie we talk about for days after.

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Persecuted LIMITED

What’s it about? A popular evangelist races to clear his name after being framed for murder by a U.S. senator in this topical thriller from writer/director Daniel Lusko (Riptide, Never Surrender). The winds of religious reform are blowing through the United States, but influential preacher John Luther (James Remar) is the one man who stands in the way of progress. As a result, Lusko incurs the wrath of a sinister U.S. senator, who turns the pastor into a media pariah by kidnapping him and implicating him in the murder of a teenage girl. Meanwhile, Luther plots to expose those who are exploiting the innocent girl’s death for profit, and learns that America’s Christian community will soon face mass persecution.

My Thoughts. What a horrible slap back to reality.  Looks like Senator Kelly is back to being a corrupt politican.  Only this time he’s using the plot from The Birdcage? When I opened the article saying that Aftermath is totally not my kind of movie Persecuted obviously took that as a personal challenge.  Oh no! America’s Christian community is on the cusp of being alienated and oppressed! How awful for them!  And after they have been nothing but supportive of so many minorities.  Yeah, I’m going to hard pass on this one.  I’m sure the Fox News crowd will see the trailer full of old, white dudes and go crazy like the girls who witnessed the Beatles first trip to the US.

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Planes: Fire & Rescue

What’s it about? His racing days over, Dusty (Dane Cook) joins a team of firefighting aircraft.

My thoughts.  Wow. Was Michael Bay an executive producer because I haven’t felt this much forced patriotism since someone counted all the American flags in the last Transformers movie?  I understand why Disney keeps making these movie, they are easy money.  Trust me, I have two younger half-brothers and they don’t give a shit about how annoying Larry the Cable Guy actually is they just love animated vehicles of any kind.  The amount of merchandise Disney will sell from this movie alone will be enough to pay Dane Cook to do another Planes sequel about the heart-warming world of sky-writing and air marquees.  Don’t get me wrong, I love firefighters.  My family donates, lovingly, every year to the Fireman’s Ball and I’m an avid fan of Chicago Fire but this is just not good. Parents, if your kids don’t ask, don’t take them to see this.  Take them to see How to Train Your Dragon 2 instead.

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Sex Tape

What’s it about? A married couple wake up to discover that the sex video they made has gone out to everyone they know.

My thoughts.  No. Just no.  I really love Jason Segel but this is the kind of movie that parents find hilarious and 20-somethings cringe their way through.  It takes all of my least favorite tropes and just shits in my lap.  “No, see it’s funny because people don’t understand how the cloud works!” “They have sex for a long time in weird positions and now people can watch them, that’s so funny!” “They’re tired of having boring vanilla sex so they try stuff from the Kama Sutra, why aren’t you laughing?”  Please god, just stop.  I’m sure my mom will see this and laugh her butt off which is sweet but I’m staying the hell away from this travesty.

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Wish I Was Here LIMITED

What’s it about? Aidan Bloom is a 35-year-old man who finds himself at major crossroads, which forces him to examine his life, his career, and his family.

My thoughts.  Even though that is the exact same plot as Zack Braff’s last two movies I am so fuckin’ in.  If anything, all of you need to buy the soundtrack for this movie.  I am unabashedly sold on this movie.  When Garden State came out I was a senior in high school and full of idea of grandiour.  When The Last Kiss came out I had ended an incredibly destructive relationship with a cheating piece of shit so it quickly gained a special place in my heart.  Now I’m older, married, but not quite free to live the life I want.  Maybe I’m the exact audience for Zach Braff’s movies, maybe he’s catering for me in particular?  Either way I’m totally charmed by the cast and concept.  I think until Guardians of the Galaxy comes out in two weeks all I’m going to talk about is this movie.  I apologize ahead of time.

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