Today is the first of April, so of course I’m going to throw a bunch of things I made up about Nicolas Cage at you. Its really the only course of action available to me. C’mon, you know today is full of half-truths, pranks, and outright lies. At least I’m telling you ahead of time.
On to some stuff I made up!
1. Nicolas Cage is a huge comic geek! He chose his stage name after Luke Cage from Marvel Comics. Sweet Christmas!
2. Cage named his son Kal-El, after Superman’s Kryptonian name.
3. Speaking of Kal-El, Cage was going to be Superman in Tim Burton’s movie: Superman Lives. I’m sure it was going to be terrible.
4. He’s related to Francis Ford Coppola and Jason Schwartzman. Who else gets to have the “Godfather Rushmore” connection other than Nicolas Cage?
5. His entire career, he followed a method of acting he developed that he dubbed “Nouveau Shamanic.” He plans on writing a book about it. That’s right, even YOU can act like Nicolas Cage!
6. Kathleen Turner accused Nicolas Cage of once stealing a chihuahua.
7. Cage and his cat Lewis ate ‘shrooms together. It was the cat’s idea.
8. Nicolas Cage’s middle name is “Kim.”
9. Cage only eats fish and fowl. His reasons for this are because of how dignified they are during sex. Apparently he doesn’t eat pigs, because they’re way to gross during sex. One can only hope that this perception isn’t from first hand experience.
10. He once ate a live cockroach.
11. Cage had a naked, fudgesicle-eating man in his bedroom.
You know what? I lied. Every one of these facts are true. APRIL FOOL’S!
And there you have it. Nicolas Cage is the only constant truth in a sea of uncertainty. As your reward, here’s the best video of Cage ever.
And as an extra bonus, here’s Nicolas Cage in his test footage Superman costume. As you can see… the movie was going to be horrific.