Nathan Schulz

Born and raised in California, Nathan has been a fiend for geeky pop culture for years. ESPECIALLY comic books and movies. Can't get enough. He also likes writing his own comic books (The Shrouded City) and drinking sparkling water. Maybe it shows we've grown as a society that nobody makes fun of him for making comic books... but he does get a lot of s**t for drinking sparkling water. Win some, lose some. If you feel like it, you can follow his twitter musings: @natethegreater

(All Images Belong to Marvel Comics)

Watch your Asgard! I have returned after what can only be described as an indulgent, irresponsible, and frankly irredeemable “hiatus.” I can’t even say it was because of recent world events, cuz it’s been more than a spell. It’s been more like a toil and trouble of excuses and something wicked never came, or called, or ever showed up this way. Should we look at the calendar? Should we even kind of do the math? How about “Naw”?

Let’s get right back into this very Nathan-pleasing blog, and I’m sure you will catch on to the whole point. As you might remember (haha no you don’t), I have been lovingly reading through the Thor comic run by writer Jason Aaron and artist Mike Del Mundo. We last left off on issue #5 which talked about the weapons being wielded by the Goddesses of Thunder: Frigg, Ellisiv, and Atli. Weapons were showcased and stories were made up by me. Everyone involved had a great time. You remember, you were there.

Now we scoot ahead to issue #8…

In which our heroic Thunder God is captured by the angels of Heven while in search of his sister, Angela!

Yes. He has a sister. No, it’s not Hela. That’s the movies. Angela is his sister in the comics. I mean, she is now. Before, she was a character in Spawn. Yeah, THAT Spawn. Image comics. When did she spin off into Marvel? How is she Thor’s sister? Did I spell “heaven” wrong in the title of this blog AND in the above sentence?

COMMENCE RAPID FIRE ANSWER SESSION:

  1. When did she spin off into Marvel? In 2013. It was kinda weird.
  2. How is she Thor’s sister? You see, when an All-Father and an All-Mother love each other very much their child is killed by an enemy realm attacking Asgard.
  3. Did I spell “heaven” wrong? Nope! Turns out, instead of the Nine Realms that Asgard is always going on and on about, there is actually TEN realms. This bonus realm is called “Heven” and Odin cut them off the World Tree cuz they went and tried to kill him and his family. But they failed and ended up taking Odin’s newborn daughter and raising her as an Angel in Heven.
  4. What? Yeah, it is a lot.

Okay, I’m sure that answered all the questions without making even more questions!

And so we launch forward into the reason I love writing about these here comics: The Weapons! Namely Thor’s newest hammer coming from what must be a huge Going Out of Hammer Business Bonanza sale! I mean, seriously, Thor has his Dwarf buddies working quadruple overtime with no hazard pay.

“Odin & Screwbeard”

Even Odin has been rolling up his All-Sleeves to get in there and make hammers for Thor. When he’s not yelling and drinking. He’ll need top notch time management skills with a schedule like that to keep up with. But Screwbeard and Odin have been churning out some sweet smiters for our golden boy. Feast your eyes on this baby:

Name of Hammer:Angels Warden

Cause of Destruction: Who knows? It lives out on the open road! Pedal to the uru metal, baby.

Story: “I saw it! It flickers past so swiftly even mine eyes can barely catch a glimpse,” stated Heimdall, mighty sentry of the Rainbow Bridge, as the large space debris glinted in the distance with stolen light. “I shall catch it when it comes back this way.” And so he waited. And watched. Ever watching. Every vigilant. It took 3 decades before he ever saw his quarry again. Heimdall was ready, with one of the fruit pickers used to pluck the golden apples of immortality. He borrowed one from Idun, the goddess of Immortality. He said he would return it next week. That was twenty years ago. He held the harvester in his hands, eagerly scanning the sky. There! With his cosmic senses, he could see it now, as clear as the sun in Midgard’s sky! He held out the apple picker, determination filling his chest.

And then the object started to veer a little further out of reach. He held out the picker even further. And then he had to lean further… and then further still…

Heimdall would never tell anyone how close he come to falling off the Rainbow Bridge that night. The bridge that entire opposing armies couldn’t move him from. But it was very damn close, and very embarrassing. He barely lifted the apple picker over the edge of the Rainbow Bridge, with his prize still clutched within it’s simple cage. Climbing and flopping over onto the solid mystical path, he took an excited moment to finally gaze upon his mysterious prize…

It was an old cup.

A huge metal flagon, to be more precise. Dented and damaged beyond use, with the imprint of a hand smashed into it. Heimdall remembered the night this cup had disappeared. A frost giant diplomat (or was it prisoner? War criminal?) named Gugreff had challenged all of Asgard to a drinking game. He made some offhand comment about Odin’s inability to hold his mead. Odin drunkenly yelled a challenge, and while Gugreff was about to take a sip out of his massive uru cup, Odin summoned nearly all his power and slapped the cup out of Gugreff’s hand. The flagon rocketed into the night sky. As did half of Gugreff’s head. The rest of the night’s merriment had to triple just to keep the mood from getting more sour. The following war with the frost giants was equally as enjoyable.

Remembering how much Gugreff had boasted about the cup being made of pure uru (uru-plated as it turned out), Heimdall would give the space flotsam to the dwarves as more materials for their hammer building needs.

He turned the flagon over, to discover the piece of Gugreff’s skull that was lodged into the cup. He would definitely need to clean the apple picker before he gave it back to Idun.

And there you go! Sometimes I talk more about the metal than the hammer. It went from getting smacked, to doing the smacking. The true cycle of a warrior’s life.

I just think its nice to know that this new ol’ hammer continues to careen through space. Almost like that was it’s destiny from the very beginning.

Also, here’s a bonus pun for you!

Name of Hammer… piece: “Minijolnir

Cause of Destruction: Never!

Story: “Minijolnir! Get it? Cuz it’s small and it’s a piece of Mjolnir? MINIJOLNIR!”

These are the jokes, folks.

See ya next blog!

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