Patrick Tierney

Looking like the love-child of Tom Baker and Benedict Cumberbatch, Patrick has been chasing sightings of failure for as long as he can remember. His stand-offish and quiet demeanor only punctuate his awkwardly honest sense of humor. Follow him on Twitter: @MrPatrickCakes or on Tumblr: www.scottpilgrimage.tumblr.com

Avengers 29

Avengers #29
5/13/2014
Written By: Jonathan Hickman
Art By: Leinil Yu

Okay Marvel, I get it.  Captain America and Iron Man are polar opposites and they can’t go three days without having a tizzy and fighting each other.  Can we get back to Avengers saving the world and all that?  Seems a petty thing to ask but I feel you’ve lost focus in favor of a dramatic recreation of “Civil War”.  It’s not as good as “Civil War” either because they don’t have enough time in a single issue to ramp up the conflict enough.  So instead I’m forced to review this hastily thrown together spectacle with little nourishment for me to ring from its folds of this week’s “Avengers”.

The issue revolves around that time they invited Steve to be in the Illuminati and then remembered they’re a bunch of sociopaths and he was not.  So a bonk in the head and all his memories are gone and none are the wiser.  But ho!  It seems their memory magic wasn’t quite enough because in this issue Steve remembers.  Am I supposed to believe Doctor Strange couldn’t give Captain America a permanent amnesia?  The man was a brain surgeon, surely he knew a bit about where the memories are in the brain.  But Steve breaks the magic and suddenly remembers and it’s all Tony’s fault!  You know, because he’s the Illuminati that can do magic.

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I’m getting a bit tired of the pairing really.  Steve and Tony are placed at other ends of a racetrack and then launched at each other at full speed.  But hold on, why is Captain America always trying to solve disputes with Tony with his fists?  Seems he’s missed a step in there—like talking, because otherwise he comes off as a cheap Hulk copy.  If he busts down the door, breaks all of Tony’s toys, and starts yelling at least make him green and wearing little purple trousers because then the character will fit the aesthetic.  How can he be our paragon for morality when he’s breaking things like a toddler?  At least when Batman had his memories stolen he just told off the Justice league and had a sulk about it.  Steve comes off nuttier than Dumbeldore in the movie rendition “Goblet of Fire”.  Can we have just one issue where he is a positive role model like he’s supposed to be?

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Another issue that pops up in this comic is one giant Deus Ex Machina.  In a previous issue the infinity gems are destroyed—except the time gem which blinks out of existence.  And guess what?  It chose now to appear, right in the middle of the Steve/Tony throw down.  And then Time Travel!  Because after the catastrophe that was “Battle for the Atom” we all know how well time travel works out.  Unless the next issue is the future Avengers saying Steve was right and sending them home, I don’t see this being a very clean or entertaining issue.  Muddling around in time is the equivalent of a bottle episode.  They can’t affect standard continuity and their absence in regular continuity is disregarded for the duration.  Iron Man could father a flock of mustachioed youngsters and step back into time as if nothing happened.  And none of the repercussions have to be felt ever.  So what significance is it to travel forward in time when they want so badly to travel back to “Civil War”?

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Remember that full page spread of Cap punching Tony in the face and shattering his mask?  Well Marvel certainly does because every crossover event they try and repeat themselves.  And this is a crossover event after all; the corner of the cover displays the “Original Sin” tittle all too proudly.  If they really wanted to keep repeating themselves like this they could just keep releasing “Civil War”.  It would save money and time so we wouldn’t have to see the same panel redrawn by a dozen different artists.  And maybe then Marvel could afford to release an “Avengers” book where they actually went out and saved lives and all that.

Perhaps Marvel is just too giddy for a Steve and Tony punch out.  If they had taken an alternate route, things may have been more interesting.  Like if someone else had found out the secret and Tony had to stop them from revealing it.  Such was the case in “Invincible” when Dinosaurus found out some sensitive information about the Viltrumites.  Thraag was all too willing to give the dinosaur a good thrashing.  Meanwhile, Dinosaurus was simply fighting for his life.  He had to escape or the information would be buried with him.  There was tension because Thraag was one hundred times more powerful to the point where it was almost laughable, but we needed that dinosaur to survive, to reveal the truth of their transgressions.  If I don’t care about the participants in the battle, what makes you think I’ll care about the battle?

That’s why I’m giving “Avengers” #29 68% Invincible.

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