Inspired by an incredibly geeky conversation by Agents Earl and Bobby (one that the other poor agents were forced to listen to), we bring you a very special Dreamcasting Team-Up!
Looking for Part 2? Check it out here!
The Dragonlance novels helped launch an entire line of Dungeons & Dragons-based fiction, and they’re also unbelievably badass. The first novel, “Dragons of Autumn Twilight,” not only crafted a classic high-fantasy world but also birthed iconic fantasy legends like Tanis Half-Elven, Flint Fireforge, and even Raistlin Majere – one of the most famous fantasy wizards since Gandalf the Grey.
Will the Dragonlance novels get made into movies? In a just and perfect universe, yes, which means its time for Dreamcasting! Agent Earl and Agent Bobby (moi) are gigantic Dragonlance geeks, and as such we decided to split this article into two! I’ll be starting off the fun this week with the first half of the Heroes of the Lance and a grip of minor characters. Agent Earl will hit you up on Sunday to deal the deathblow!
Caramon Majere – Taylor Kitsch
If Tanis Half-Elven is the soul of the “Heroes of the Lance” and Raistlin is the brains, then Caramon Majere is in many ways the beating heart of the group. Caramon is (on the surface) a very simple man, a warrior who fights for only one cause – the protection of his brother Raistlin. He’s a decent man who’s been largely manipulated his entire life, most often by Raistlin but usually by anyone who recognizes that they can bend his strength to their fight. He’s hopelessly devoted to his sickly brother, and his unconditional love leads him down dark paths. Still, in the end, he always chooses what’s right, even at the cost of his wants and needs.
Caramon is tough to nail down because he isn’t the simpleton warrior he appears to be at first glance. Caramon is slow, but he’s actually frighteningly intelligent and perceptive – the book shows that while Caramon may take a great deal of time to come to a conclusion, it’s only because he looks at problems from every possible angle before making a decision. When he does, however, he brings fresh ideas and solutions into the group that no one else, not even his brother Raistlin, thought of.
Taylor Kitsch, though seemingly cursed with bad luck at the box office, is actually a fantastic actor who deserves to anchor a franchise. He can play funny and roguish, certainly, but his performance in John Carter (of Mars, goddammit) shows that he can play a man struggling with his pain very well. Plus he’s all buff and shit and looks just like Caramon.
Raistlin Majere – Emile Hirsch
Raistlin Majere is the rockstar wizard of pop fantasy literature – he ain’t called the “Master of Past and Present” for funsies. Cynical, clever, manipulative, and destructively ambitious, Raistlin holds the distinction of being one of the few hero wizards of fantasy lit you really don’t want to run into in a dark alley. He isn’t whimsical (for the most part), and he isn’t particularly wise – he just craves power, and is willing to sacrifice himself and all of his friend to make it happen.
Raistlin has golden skin and yellow eyes with hour-glass pupils, the effects of a curse laid on him by the powerful wizard bureaucracy to teach him humility – even at a young age, the Council of High Sorcery realized that his ambition and disregard for things like “conventional morality” would be a problem. His cursed eyes show him everything through the lens of passing time. All he sees is decay. This was supposed to teach him to appreciate everything, but ooops surprise it turned him into a cynical asshole. Kind of a fumble, Council of High Sorcery. Bad Council of High Sorcery. Go to your room, Council of High Sorcery.
Emile Hirsch would make an excellent Raistlin, and not just because he’ll be playing Taylor Kitsch’s brother and the two actors have very similar-looking last names. Nay, sir or madam, it’s just that there’s a trait about Raistlin that often gets overlooked – how incredibly pitiable he is. He’s sickly, plagued with a cough that ravages his body. He can’t handle inclement weather, and sometimes he can barely stand for his illness. Raistlin also has a powerful love for not only his brother, but for all downtrodden and broken people – not terribly surprising, considering he’s been a broken thing his entire life. There’s a great compassion behind his cynical ambition, and an emotive and soulful actor like Emile Hirsch can project that through the gold makeup and the dark hoods. Plus, it’s important to remember this saying: “There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” Raistlin is all three, but the most important is the gentleness beneath the anger – Emile will do just fine with that.
Goldmoon – Rosario Dawson
Goldmoon is a woman of gentle word and unshakable faith, and is in many ways the Jebus Christo of Krynn, the world of Dragonlance. The gods and the true faith have been missing from Krynn since the Cataclysm, a moment of righteous anger where the gods whipped a flaming meteor at Krynn and bailed for like a hundred years. Goldmoon is the first woman to hear the gods again, and is gifted with an ancient artifact to prove their return: the Blue Crystal Staff. Goldmoon comes from the Que Shu tribe, a group of barbarian plainsman that are basically fantasy Indians.
She’s tasked with bringing the faith back, and is met with the kind of opposition you’d imagine. She’s the central figure of the first trilogy, the center around which the others Heroes of the Lance gather like a fire on a cold night. They become her bodyguards, essentially, really just helpers on her quest. Her husband Riverwind at her side, Goldmoon is the team mom who heals everyones booboos and hugs them when they’re all banged up.
Rosario Dawson is, of course, the perfect choice for the role. Give her some silver-golden hair and a blue crystal staff and she’s all ready to go. She has huge soulful eyes and a natural magnetism that makes you listen to her every word, and you all know that one hug from her would sprinkle sunshine over even your worst day.
Riverwind – Michael Ealy
Riverwind, plains barbarian and husband of Goldmoon, is sort of like the team dad if your dad was kind of a prick. Not that Riverwind is a bad person – he’s actually extremely noble and good-hearted, but it’s all been buried under layers of emotional armor. Riverwind’s primary motivation is protecting Goldmoon from a harsh and terrible world that would rather skin her alive then listen to what she has to say about the gods. Riverwind is in love with Goldmoon like you read about – he undertook a suicidal “courtship quest” to get the right to marry Goldmoon from her asshole Chieftain father, and actually succeeded. Riverwind found the Blue Crystal Staff – and lost most of his skin for the effort – and brought it to Goldmoon. Which, you know, sort of kicked off the whole story.
Riverwind is alien and stoic, and Michael Ealy’s light piercing eyes do a great job of keeping you just a little bit unsettled in his presence. He constantly challenges Tanis Half-Elven’s leadership, and is a powerful warrior and whip-smart tactician. Michael Ealy also speaks with a soft but authoritative voice that fits Riverwind exactly.
Tika Waylan – Karen Gillan
Tika Waylan begins the story as a typical adorable, red-headed barwench who just happens to have a crush on Caramon and works in the inn where all the shit first goes down. Tika is swept into the adventure without any particular skills (besides an unerring facility with an iron skillet), and in general has no businesses traveling the globe and fighting tyranny. Tika is the girl-next-door, and she’s completely in over her head. Which is why there’s no other choice for this role but Amy Pond herself, the fanboy (and fangirl) favorite, the Lady Karen of Gillan.
Plus Tika has a famous ginger rage that Karen, being Scottish, would have exactly ZERO problems pulling off. Tika also is the only girl that can distract Caramon from his brother Raistlin, and is basically the only thing keeping Caramon’s head on straight when it comes to his (slightly evil) twin brother. Karen Gillan is definitely . . . distracting, to say the least. But it’s not her looks or her Scottish fury that makes her perfect for the role – instead, it’s just her ability to project a combination of staid wonder and heart-warming enthusiasm that makes her a great audience surrogate to the crazy world of Krynn. Which is what Tika is, really.
Minor Characters and Antagonists
Kitiara Uth Matar – Half-sister to the Majere twins, Kitiara is a badass warrior woman with a dark past and a darker future. She’s got to be sensual, terrifying, and completely full of life, and that’s Lizzy Caplan in a nut shell.
Alhana Starbreeze – The exotic Silvanesti elf-princess that almost makes even stoic Sturm Brightblade break his vows: welcome to the stage Dichen Lachman.
Porthios – Handsome, rich asshole elf that you kind of want to strangle? Boom, Matt Bomer.
Ariakas – The head of the evil Dragonarmies, Ariakis has to be imposing, intense, and make you believe that thousands would follow him. Hey Jim Caviezel!
Verminaard – Gigantic, sadistic warrior-priest with the deep sexy voice that has to project even through his helmet? Plus he has to fight all of the Heroes of the Lance and nearly kill them all? Armie Hammer is open for business, and would love to play a villain.
Astinus – Emotionless creepy librarian who somehow knows everything as it happens and is filled with strange old wisdom? I believe Anthony Stewart Head would like a phone call.
Berem The Everman – Immortal, handsome, alien dude who is living with the pain of numerous lifetimes? Sam Witwer is in town, I hear.
Elistan – The first priest of the new faith, the man behind which an entire prison (and later an entire nation) rally behind? Charles Dance is your only man for the job.
Remember to stay tuned for Sunday, when Earl casts the rest of the characters for Dragonlance!