Inspired by an incredibly geeky conversation by Agents Earl and Bobby (one that the other poor agents were forced to listen to), we bring you a very special Dreamcasting Team-Up!
Miss Agent Bobby’s Part 1? Check it out here!
::Cracking fingers:: As Agent Bobby mentioned in his part of the article, we’re giant Dragonlance geeks. Dragonlance isn’t just what really got me into books, it got me into tabletop rpg’s, fantasy films, and all that good stuff. Basically, it’s what turned me into a nerd. Talks of a Dragonlance movie have been floating around forever – FOREVER. Hopes are unsubstantiated, though, as even a quick check on IMDb shows there’s nothing in pre-production, anywhere. So I’d say our chances of getting a live action Dragonlance movie, at least for the moment, are pretty much zip to none. Zilch.
That can’t stop us from dreaming, though! And away, we go:
The Heroes of the Lance
Tanis Half-Elven – Chris Pratt
Tanis Half-Eleven, unwilling de facto leader of the Companions of the Lance. The military strategist of the group, Tanthalas Quisif Nan-pah (his elven name) is usually the one shouting out orders, making sure our favorite heroes don’t fall to the blade of a bloodlusted Bozak. Perpetually torn between loyalties born from his dual heritage, as well as his responsibility to his friends, Tanis is often dark and brooding while not in combat. Tanis is the son of an elf noblewoman and a human thief, the product of rape. Despite being of noble elven lineage, he was shunned by Qualinesti society because of his human half. Also, speaking of torn, the women of Kyrnn apparently go for the strong silent type, because Tanis splits his emotional attachment between two women, Laurana Kanan, golden-haired Qualinesti princess, and Kitiara Uth Matar, sellsword half-sister of the Majere twins.
My Pick: Chris Pratt. I know it’s hard to tell in the screen from Zero Dark Thirty, but Chris Pratt is totally a ginger. Why I included Joel Edgerton in the screencap, it’s because he’s totally my second choice for the reluctant leader of the Companions. True, most of us know Pratt from his antics on Parks and Recreation, but if Guardians of the Galaxy is any indicator, he also does quiet and broody quite well. Plus, after GOTG: Chris Pratt, he’s so hot right now.
Also Considered: Joel Edgerton
Flint Fireforge – Brendan Gleeson
Flint, a Hill Dwarf, is easily the oldest of the companions. He also happens to be Tanis’ oldest friend. The two men met while Flint was working in Qualinost, where Tanis was living as the adopted son of Solostaran, the Speaker of the Sun. Gruff and not overly fond of boats or horses, Flint is the group’s resident curmudgeon.
My Pick: Brendan Gleeson. Despite owning a 6’2″ frame, Brendan Gleeson would rock in this role. He just needs the John Rhys-Davies/Gimli, Son of Gloin treatment. By the time of the reunion at the Inn of the Last Home in the beginning of Dragons of Autumn Twilight, many years have passed since the depiction of Flint above, which makes Gleeson the perfect age. Plus, I think it would be great to watch Gleeson moan and complain about getting into a boat and constantly insist that the crest on his helmet is a griffon’s mane, and not horsetail. By Reorx, it would be great.
Laurana – Ashley Greene
Lauralanthalasa Kanan, Daughter of the Speaker of the Sun, the Golden General. Of course, that’s not how she is when we meet her. In the beginning, she’s a semi-bratty, always in the way, dead weight little elfmaiden fawning over our half-elven friend, Tanis. The two met as children, and she’s had a hankering for said broody outsider ever since. She is constantly pining for his attention, trying to prove herself worthy of his love. Gross. Eventually, however, she snaps out of it and becomes exemplary of her kickass lineage, becoming the leader of the Whitestone Alliance and acquiring herself a legendary Dragonlance. She becomes known as the Golden General aka Super Kickass Supreme, and Tanis gets his pillar and stones off to thoughts of her.
My Pick: Ashley Greene. I think part of the essential draw of this character is the dichotomy between were we meet her and where she ends up character-wise by the end of Dragons of Winter Night, the 2nd book in the Dragonlance Chronicles trilogy. I think Ashley Greene could definitely pull off the pre-war, doe-eyed, elfmaiden, and I think it would be interesting to see her tackle the Golden General. I’m hoping it’ll be like Miranda Otto as Eowyn in the LOTR films. You get hints here and there that she’s more than a court-raised blueblood, then all of a sudden… BAM! -full badass and she cuts off a Nazgul head.
Also Considered: Amber Heard and Jaimie Alexander (aka Lady Sif) – they were both way too tall for a Krynnish elf. Yeah, I know… technicality.
Tasslehoff Burrfoot – Dominic Cooper
“Insufferable Kender!” – pretty much everyone on Krynn
And if there’s one Kender that’s more insufferable than all of them, it’s got to be Tasslehoff Burrfoot. Master purveyor of maps and “found” items, Tas is the group’s wildcard. He is a source of mischief and distraction, but also tends to sink miraculous three-pointers in the clutch. Two things you’ll never see Tas without: his characteristic topknot and his trusty hoopak, which is a staff/slingshot hybrid also used to distract the enemy by creating a high-pitched whistling sound. Tas’ childlike curiosity makes for interesting interactions in social encounters and makes for comedy by annoying the whiskers off Flint.
My Pick: Dominic Cooper. Come on, look at the face, it just screams “MISCHIEF!” I also thought of Agent Bobby’s suggestion of Peter Dinklage, but I always thought of Dinklage as a quiet badass, whereas Tas is more of a wide-eyed, unintentional troublemaker.
Sturm Brightblade – Wes Bentley
Sturm. Oh Sturm. If there’s one character’s story that really makes me sad, it’s Sturm Brightblade’s. Sturm is a man trying to live up to his father’s legacy, to the point of delusion. He adopts the lifestyle of the Solamnic Knight, despite the fact that he isn’t really one. Still, however, he’s as Est Sularus Oth Mithas as you can get. With the rest of Krynn ridiculing the Solamnic Order, you can bet that’s no easy task. The only birthright left by his father: a suit of armor and a sword, which Sturm bears with utmost pride. While Tanis is broody at times, Sturm is often stoic, and sometimes dour. Still, his sense of honor and courage is a boon to the Companions, in this new world where charlatanry thrives.
My Pick: Wes Bentley. I think if you put all of Bentley’s acting roles in a blender, and added a pinch of chivalry, you would get Sturm Brightblade. And I mean, come on, he’s already sported the trademark Solamnic whiskers in Weirdsville. It’s totally a sign.
Minor Characters and Antagonists
Takhisis – Krynn’s resident god of evil. Equal parts dark sorceress, alluring seductress, and five-headed dragon. Olga Kurylenko. Definitely.
Gilthanas – Your typical uppity Qualinesti elven prince. World gets turned topsy turvy when he meets a girl. Probably should have one of those faces you wouldn’t mind punching. Eddie Redmayne.
Lord Soth – Fallen Solamnic Knight, Death Knight, leading cause of people pissing their pants in Ansalon. I know we wouldn’t see his face very much, but he should still be physically imposing and have a pretty cool voice. I say Rory McCann aka the mothereffin Hound.
Fizban – A befuddled old wizard, whose spell wheelhouse seems to consist solely of, “Fireball!” and feathers. Could he be more than he appears to be? Perhaps. I’m having a bit of trouble with this one. It’s either Peter “The Brows” Capaldi, or James “The Night’s Watch” Cosmo. It’d be kinda cool to see Cosmo playing across Gleeson, again though! FREEEDOM!!!
What about Raistlin?